Let’s get real: conflict happens. It’s inevitable. You’re working in close quarters (or over endless Zoom calls) with people who have different personalities, communication styles, and work habits. And sometimes? That tension bubbles over. Whether it’s a misunderstanding, a full-blown clash of egos, or just someone who rubs you the wrong way, workplace conflict is one of those things that will find you at some point in your career.
On today’s episode of Working On It, we (Lauren and Molly) dive into the messy world of conflict in the workplace. We’re not just talking about little disagreements over who’s hogging the breakroom microwave—we’re talking about the kind of conflicts that can derail your day, your projects, or even your career. How do you handle difficult colleagues? What do you do when you’re the one being disliked? And how do you manage it all when you’re the boss?
Ready to dive in? Let’s talk about conflict.
Why Does Workplace Conflict Happen?
So, why does conflict even happen in the first place? It turns out, there are plenty of reasons. Molly kicks it off: “When it comes to conflict, a lot of it boils down to basic human nature—personality clashes, competition, poor communication. You throw those elements into a workplace where everyone’s got deadlines, targets, and stress, and it’s no wonder things can get tense.”
Lauren chimes in, “For me, the big ones have always been different communication styles and work approaches. I genuinely don’t believe people are jerks just for the sake of it—there’s usually something else going on. But whether or not I choose to tolerate that behaviour is a different story!”
Workplace conflicts often stem from some pretty common sources:
- Personality clashes: Not everyone’s going to be your cup of tea, and that’s okay.
- Competition: Especially in high-performance environments, it’s easy for things to get a little… cutthroat.
- Different communication styles: Some people are blunt. Others beat around the bush. When those two meet, sparks fly.
- Work style mismatches: You might be a detail-oriented perfectionist, while your colleague prefers to “wing it” and “figure things out as they go.”
Disliking a Colleague: When to Address It and When to Let It Go
We’ve all been there—you just don’t get on with someone at work. It happens. The key is figuring out how to deal with it. Do you confront them directly? Do you let it slide? Molly shares a story that feels all too relatable.
“I had this colleague, we were at the same level, but he clearly felt threatened by me because his team was constantly coming to me for advice. It all came to a head when he presented an org chart in a meeting that completely left me out. Like, not just a small oversight—I was erased. So, in front of everyone, I had to be like, ‘Oh, am I leaving? Because I didn’t get the memo.’”
You could cut the tension in the room with a knife. Molly didn’t let it go. She sat down with her colleague afterward for a heart-to-heart, and while it wasn’t easy, it diffused the situation. “We were so different in our communication styles. I approached things collaboratively, he was more combative. Once we were face-to-face, he wasn’t nearly as harsh as he had been over email. It’s amazing how people change when they have to look you in the eye!”
Lauren has her own take. “I’ve had situations where the conflict was with someone junior to me. In one case, a colleague’s behaviour was completely inappropriate, to the point where HR had to step in. But I’ll give them credit—they came to me afterward, asked to talk about it, and we had an honest conversation. Turns out there was a lot going on behind the scenes that I didn’t know about, which helped me understand where they were coming from, even though their behaviour wasn’t okay.”
The takeaway? Face-to-face (or at least voice-to-voice) conversations are often the best way to address conflict. It’s much harder to be confrontational when you’re sitting across from someone in real time than when you’re firing off passive-aggressive emails.
When It’s You Who Doesn’t Like Someone
But what happens when you’re the one with the beef? When you just cannot stand someone? Molly confesses, “There have been a few times where I really disliked someone at work. One colleague used to consistently take credit for my work, and I wasn’t about to sit her down and play nice. It just wasn’t my style. I chose to disengage and move on.”
Sometimes, that’s the best solution. Not every conflict needs to be resolved with a heart-to-heart. Sometimes, you just need to accept that you’re not going to like everyone you work with—and that’s okay.
But if someone’s behaviour is affecting your work, it might be time to step in. “I eventually left that company because the environment was just too small,” Molly explains. “There were only seven of us, so if you don’t get along with someone, it’s hard to avoid them. In bigger companies, it’s easier to navigate around people you don’t click with.”
When It Crosses the Line: Bullying vs. Conflict
At what point does conflict become bullying? This is where things can get tricky. Conflict is a normal part of work, but bullying is something else entirely.
Lauren shares, “I had a situation early in my career where someone literally called me the C-word in a meeting. It was a mix of frustration, competition, and just plain rudeness. My boss did nothing about it, and I felt completely unsupported. That crossed a line.”
Molly adds, “The line between conflict and bullying is crossed when there’s intent to undermine or harm. Constructive feedback is one thing, but if someone’s constantly trying to make you feel small or incompetent, that’s bullying.”
If you feel like the conflict is more than just a difference of opinion—if it’s repetitive, malicious, and personal—it’s time to involve HR or management.
Managing Conflict as a Leader: When You’re the One in Charge
Managing conflict in your own life is tough enough, but what happens when you’re a leader and conflict is happening within your team? As a manager, you’re expected to step in, but it’s not always as simple as it sounds.
Lauren reflects on her time managing a team: “I had two team members who just did not get along. And it wasn’t a work-related conflict—it was personal. One of them asked me to step in and talk to the other person, but I felt that it was something they needed to work out between themselves. Sometimes, as a leader, you have to empower your team to resolve things on their own.”
Molly agrees, “If it’s a social conflict, I encourage people to work it out on their own. But if it’s work-related—like someone taking credit for another person’s ideas—that’s where I’ll step in to mediate.”
The Power of Apology
Here’s the thing: apologies are powerful. And in the world of conflict, a simple “I’m sorry” can go a long way. But not all apologies are created equal.
Lauren has a bit of a pet peeve: “There’s this trend I’ve seen on social media where people are encouraging each other not to apologise at work, and I get it. But I think we’re swinging too far in the other direction. A genuine apology—‘I’m sorry, I was wrong’—is so powerful. Just don’t do the whole, ‘I’m sorry you feel that way,’ because that’s just another way of saying ‘I don’t care.’”
Can Conflict Be Good?
Surprise! Conflict isn’t always a bad thing. In fact, it can lead to some pretty positive outcomes—if it’s handled the right way.
“Some of the best work I’ve ever done came from conflict,” Lauren says. “When you’re challenged on something, it forces you to rethink your approach, get creative, and find a solution you might not have thought of otherwise.”
Molly adds, “I’ve always said, if a team never has conflict, there’s probably something bubbling under the surface. Disagreement is natural. It’s how you handle it that makes the difference.”
Final Thoughts: Handling Conflict Like a Pro
At the end of the day, conflict is just part of life—especially work life. The key is learning how to manage it in a way that’s constructive rather than destructive.
Our top tips?
- Have the tough conversations in person when possible. It’s always harder to be confrontational face-to-face.
- Apologise when necessary. A genuine apology goes a long way.
- Don’t make it personal. Focus on the work, not the personalities.
- Know when to disengage. Not every conflict is worth your energy.
Have a conflict story you want to share with us? We’d love to hear it. Drop us a line at hello@workingonit.show or send us a message on Instagram or TikTok at @workingonit.pod.
